Special day...

Today's trip to the playground should have been nothing special, other than just dedicated time for the three of us be together with no distractions or need for any multitasking from mom. That kind of time can be hard to find which would make today special enough regardless of anything else.

Today surprised me.

Johnathan started by climbing up to the platform in order to slide down the pole. I assisted with the slide down the first two times, but then it was clear that he could do it so I stepped back. My little boy has always been what we shall call "risk averse" and hates, hates, hates doing new things by himself so my stepping back for him to fly solo was a big deal. It always is.

Emotional drama ensued, as expected. I held firm that he could slide down the pole by himself, or not slide down the pole if he preferred, but either way it was his choice and I wasn't helping him do something that I knew he could do. That prompted the negotiation process to commence. Johnathan is an extremely effective negotiator. Final agreement was that I would stand in the general proximity of the pole so that if he fell I could leap to catch him. That led to a discussion about the definition of "general proximity". End result, I stood about 6 feet from the pole and looked attentive, like I was ready to dive forward if necessary, while he proceeded to..... totally astonish himself by sliding down the pole. The way he lit up with pride was so awesome!

Then of course he had to do it a bunch more times.

I was bursting with pride myself thinking of all the times in the past he has chosen not to do something rather than try it himself.

Meanwhile, Atinafu was working on climbing skills on the jungle gym. It was a weird jungle gym with wobbly bars and chains and he's wearing his new leg brace so it was a pretty challenging thing for him to tackle. I was cheering him on, offering a little guidance and a safety net in case he fell but basically making him do it himself. As he was figuring out a particularly difficult part, I heard him whispering to himself "I'm doing a good job. I can do it." And he did and lit up with pride just as bright as his brother's as he got to the top.

Then of course he had to do it a bunch more times.

I was a happy that we had the playground to ourselves because I may have gotten little teary thinking of the baby who, when he was placed in my arms a little more than two years ago, had little useful function on the left side of his body.

As we were heading home, Johnathan on his bike, Ati on his trike and me trailing along, I realized that today is the also the day that, two years ago, I landed with Atinafu at Tucson International Airport and we made our way home to Johnathan. And became a family of three.

A very special day.

Overheard in our house today -"On behalf of the Crocodiles, The United Nations protests recent actions by Horsie. Sactions will be imposed..." and... "The international community of Frogs is outraged!". Representing Horsie, Johnathan refused to be intimidated by international pressure. Peace talks were proposed and firmly rejected. Horsie was eventually exiled to an island barn where peace reigned by virtue of Horsie being the island's only inhabitant.

Playtime with an Au Pair who's long term goal is to be a human rights lawyer can be a little different.

Coffee Ceremony at Hossana

Those who have been to Hossana will get the emotion evoked by this photograph.

Pay It Forward

A few years ago, I attended a wedding that the officiating minister referred to as having been "a long time coming". At first the congregation was a little taken aback by that comment because the adorable couple had had one of those "on again, off again" relationships over a span of seven years and I think that many of us were thinking "wow, dude... that's blunt". But then he went on to elaborate that these two people were standing there as a result of the love, devotion and committment of their parents, their grandparents, and all those that had come before them. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief...

Over the past few days, I've had been involved in several unrelated conversations that have given me reason to think about how lucky I am in the many blessing that I have in my life. I am reasonably healthy, well educated, financially secure, (or at least as secure as any regular person is in this day and during this economy), and graced with two amazing little boys of which I am probably most undeserving. I've worked hard to get to this stage in my life. I have. But there are also so many people, so many circumstances, so many examples of "luck of the draw", that have allowed me to reach this place in life that really have nothing to do with me or my own efforts. I did not get where I am on all by myself and I do not owe the what I have in life entirely to myself. I reap the benefits daily of the society I was born into and the blessings of the loving family who raised me. I am lucky beyond all measure.

One of the conversations that got me rolling on this thought process came through a discuss with a few other adoptive mother about our children and some emotions related to how they came to us. The specifics of the conversation are personal, private and fairly intense, but what I distilled from my own thought processes has to do with feelings of responsibility. The feeling of needing to embrace some kind of way to "pay it forward".

The Wikipedia commentary on "Pay it Forward" states: The expression "pay it forward" is used to describe the concept of asking that a good turn be repaid by having it done to others instead. In contract law, typically there are two parties but there is the concept of third party beneficiaries. Pay it forward merely applies this contract law concept so that third party beneficiary be a stranger to the creditor (or obligee). More specifically, the creditor (obligee) offers the debtor (obligor) the option of "paying" the debt forward by lending it to a third person instead of paying it back to the original creditor. Debt and payments can be monetary or by good deeds.

I need to "pay it forward". It's not just about my little boy, it's about my whole life. I'm taking baby steps. We'll see how far I get. But imagine what the world could accomplish if we were all trying to "pay it forward."

Totally random...

-Really fun filled visit to the Renaissance Fair in Mesa, Arizona last weekend with Chris, my best friend since 4th grade. I've been trying to get her to come visit for several years and I believe the RF ended up being the enticement that she could not resist. The original plan had been to rent costumes when we got to the fairgrounds, however the required deposit on each costume was $350 and apparently the Discover Card was not around 500 years ago so that was a no-go. I told her if she comes again next year, I will make us costumes.

The fair is populated with actors who randomly engage the crowd in various activities. Chris was a MAGNET for these people. Among other things, we ended up as "minions" of Lord Victor who was trying to unseat the Lord Mayor through some sort of complex political intrigue that may or may not have involved broccoli. Secret messages were delivered, skulking was required. And by "we", I mean Chris, because no one was interested in me. I was totally along for the ride. I decided that next year Chris will be Lady Christina and I shall be Patsy, Lady Christina's faithful servant. (10 points to those of you who get the reference.) All in all it was a very successful day.

-Atinafu had his first "gymnastics" class yesterday. Parents of veteran attendees followed their little ones around the circuits cheering budding young gymnasts. Those of us with newbies participated in an exercise similar to herding cats.

-Johnathan picked up from Theodore of the 'Munks, that saying you had a nightmare greatly increases your chances of getting to sleep in the big bed. Unfortunately for him, he had not yet calculated the proper amount of time that one needs to stay in bed before the concept of having had a nightmare becomes plausible. Pitching a nightmare to mommy after 1 minute and 27 seconds for some perplexing reason does not produce the desired reaction. Tonight I asked with great interest for him to tell me about the nightmare. He was completely non-plussed for about 30 seconds and then launched into quite a creative little story that was very entertaining and not the least bit scary. End result? A kiss on the head and a gentle nudge back to his bedroom. I'm curious as to how he will adjust the strategy tomorrow night.

December 2

One year ago today, I received a phone call that made me the luckiest mama in the world.

Two weeks earlier, after waiting for an adoption referral for almost 1 year, rumors had come out that Ethiopia was closing it's doors to single women. These rumors had surfaced before but this time they felt more substantial, more real, more scary. On the forum, single mother clients from other agencies were posting that THEIR agency was stating the absolutely, positively, single women could no longer adopt, no exceptions. My agency was silent. Repeated emails from those singles in process received responses of "inquiries are being made/discussions are being held".

Response from the forum was unbelievable. Knowing that officials in Ethiopia read our forum, other single mothers who had gone before posted photos and stories about their families in support of those who would hopefully come after. Two parent families steadfastly supported us with thoughts and prayers of hope and support. And we supported and comforted each other, telling each other that it would be all right.

Until, on December 2, 2008, I received an email announcing that I could register for a conference call on December 5 to hear an update on the program as it related to single moms. I emailed my social worker with one question... "Is this a good thing or a bad thing?" Not really expecting a response, but needing to ask anyway.

Three hours later, my social worker called. She made some vague statements about the situation while I sat in my chair with my stomach sinking and my eyes welling, trying to be positive and polite, because really none of this was her fault, but thinking that this was it, she was calling to tell me that it was over - game end. When all of a sudden she said, "so based on that, I'm actually calling you with a referral - do you have time to talk?"

Fast forward fifteen minutes later I am looking with shock and awe at an email photo of my beautiful baby boy.

Fast forward four months later, almost to the day and I'm landing in Dulles airport with a smelly, exhausted but oh, so brave little guy.

Fast forward one year later and I've just tucked my little one into his crib after bath, bottle and happy bedtime cuddles.

As a friend just emailed me.... Happy referraliversary. Happy forever more. Happy December 2, baby.

When I was seven months pregnant, I had a chocolate craving one night and the only thing chocolate in the house was this weird pancake mix. (It's important to this story to know that I don't cook... seriously don't cook.) So I follow the instructions, mix up the batter and put a pancake in the pan and am standing there watching it when all of a sudden, it occurred to me that I didn't know how you tell when to flip the pancake. Onset of panic attack. I mean, I didn't know when to flip the flippin' pancake for Pete's sake, so how was I going to feed a child for 18 years?!?! I told my husband that I couldn't do this, that I'd changed my mind and we should get another cat instead. He's looking at me like "what is your problem" and I just kept repeating "the pancake, the pancake". Took me about 3 days to get over the pancake trauma. The ironic part is that pancakes are now the only thing my 4 year old will eat so I make pancakes every morning and some mornings I still get the shivers when it comes to flipping.

ETA: I wrote this post on another forum a while back and was thinking about it tonight. I guess the thing that I've learned over the past 4.5 years is that as a mom, you can not know something and still find a way to make it all work. I STILL can't tell when to flip the pancake and have many, many, many burned pancakes to show for it, but my little boy is healthy, happy, and totally fine despite my many shortcoming.

AND.... Krusteaz now makes pre-made microwavable pancake. One minute, 55 seconds and you are all set. No flipping required.